January 2005

MOAN TONES

NEW YORK (Reuters) -- Porn star Jenna Jameson is now hawking "moan tones." For $2.50 mobile phone users can choose from a variety of moans, and sexual noises all recorded by the blond bombshell.

If that's not enough, Jameson will talk dirty to you when your phones rings, in English or Spanish.

Jameson, who recently wrote a best-selling memoir, has launched the venture with Wicked Wireless, a mobile music and entertainment company.

Also available are color pictures of the porn star posing naked that can be displayed on your phone for $2.99.

"Rock stars make music tones, porn stars make moan tones," said Dennis Adamo, head of Wicked Wireless. "We thought it would be an interesting novel approach of introducing new content to the mobile users."

Jameson's charms are already being downloaded in Argentina, Ecuador, Venezuela, and in a couple of weeks will be available from Mexico to Uruguay.

Latin American users can download a moan or a picture for $1.00 each, while U.S. customers will pay $2.50 for a moan and $2.99 for a wallpaper once the service is launched.

Some people were shocked, but others said they wanted more from the product.

"If you can get her to say my name then I would buy it. I need that kind of personal attention," said New Yorker Julian McCullough.

U.S. users will have to wait to get Jameson on their phones as no mobile carriers in the United States have expressed any interest in carrying the service.

OWNER AUCTIONING DRIVE-THRU STRIP CLUB

PITTSBURGH - The owner of what's billed as the world's only drive-thru strip club is selling it on the Internet. Bidding for the Climax Gentleman's Club opened at $299,000 this week on the auction site eBay.

It is "available at auction to anyone who has it made and would enjoy owning the world's ultimate BOYTOY," the listing says. "Whiners, fault finders and complainers need not respond."

Nick Fratangelo said the club's been a fun run, but it's time to cash in. He's not getting out of the business entirely. His company, Town Hall of America Inc., owns Climax Club II, an adjacent club that boasts an outdoor pool where dancers swim.

The drive-through club opened in Salem Township, Westmoreland County, about 20 miles east of Pittsburgh, in spring 2000 and soon drew worldwide attention. Its eBay listing notes the club has been mentioned in everything from magazines to Trivial Pursuit.

Despite the publicity, no one else has stepped forward claiming another such club, said Fratangelo, who was surprised there's been no imitators.

"He's always been able to come up with a novel approach to nudity," said attorney David Millstein.

For $10, a driver can watch from the car as a nude woman dances from inside an enclosed booth (so there can't be any grabbing and for temperature control). Carloads of two or more people pay $20.

"You're always guaranteed at least one minute. But we're very flexible," he said. "It depends on how many cars are backed up behind you."

CRACK CAN KILL

Crack can kill!

RABBI BANS SINGING IN THE SHOWER

A FORMER Jewish grand rabbi Mordechai Eliahu has laid down the law on amateur operatics in the shower: you can hum but you can't sing.

"You will not sing in the shower," the former leader of Israel's Sephardic Jews instructed a listener inquiring about Talmudic laws on an ultra-Orthodox religious radio programme.

Rabbi Eliahu explained that the Hebrew language, holy to the Jewish religion, was not to be sullied by use in a bathroom, Wednesday's edition of Yediot Ahronot newspaper reported.

But the rabbi, considered a religious authority in world Judaism, went on to soften his stand.

"To hum without a word in Hebrew crossing your mind is acceptable," he said.

MAN DRESSED IN MONKEY COSTUME TRIES TO ROB CONVENIENCE STORE

YOKKAICHI, Mie -- A man dressed in a monkey costume threatened an employee at a local convenience store with a knife in the predawn hours of Tuesday in an unsuccessful robbery attempt, police said.

At around 2:15 a.m., a man wearing a monkey costume sneaked into the Lawson convenience store's Yokkaichi Hinaga-Nishi outlet, threatened a 26-year-old employee with a knife and demanded money, local police said.

The employee immediately went into the store's office to alert the manager. However, the robber had disappeared before the manager came out. Nobody was injured in the incident and no money was stolen, according to investigators.

Judging from the way he talked, the robber appeared to be a man in his 30s or 40s and was about 175 centimeters tall and of medium build.

Simian stealings have been reported in the recent past in Japan. However, these thefts were usually carried out by Japanese macaques robbing fields of fruits in Aomori Prefecture or tourists of their sweets in Tochigi Prefecture's Nikko.

Thefts by monkeys prompted Nikko to outlaw tourists feeding the primates in the area, with fines for offenders. These simian thefts, however, were all carried out by actual monkeys and not a person wearing a monkey suit.

A cosplay specialist said that monkey suits such as the one worn by the Yokkaichi robber is similar to the suits worn as a fashion by young schoolgirls in Tokyo's trendy Shibuya district. The suits are on sale in many retail outlets and are easily obtainable, yet it is rare to hear of them being used as a disguise for a robber.

Why the robber chose to wear the monkey suit that made him look so obvious remains a mystery. Did he think the convenience store employee would think he was a real monkey? Was he trying to outwit cops? Or, was he simply monkeying around? The motives will remain a mystery until investigators catch him. (Mainichi Shimbun, Japan, Jan. 26, 2005)

WHO DESIGNS THESE RIDES?

The question of the day is who designs these kids rides?

A SAD LOSS FOR THE ETERNAL CHILD.

A generation of TV fans are saddened by the news that the
Television producer and deviser of the children's show, Crackerjack John Downes has passed away. As a tribute Liquid Soap posts the Guardian's obituary.

John ("Johnny") Downes, originator and producer of the BBC children's programme Crackerjack, who has died aged 84, was an ebullient and witty man. He managed to persuade children who were playing the games on the show to give their all for the prize of a single inexpensive Crackerjack pencil. That was a tribute to Downes, as well perhaps as to the less materialistic society of the 1950s and 1960s.

Downes was a magnet for talent; he advanced the career of the first Crackerjack presenter, Eamonn Andrews, and then discovered the unknown Leslie Crowther to be Andrews's successor.

Downes's connection with the programme happened in a freewheeling way more common in the BBC then than now. Freda Lindstrom, head of BBC children's television, simply called Downes in and told him that she wanted a live children's television programme. It would be the first of its kind, would be allocated only six shows and have a very lean budget.

The show became an instant success when it launched in 1957, and then such a national institution that Downes found himself producing it for 10 years. In 1967 it received the National Television Award for children's programmes. (The last Crackerjack was broadcast in 1984.)

When popular Eamonn Andrews moved on, Downes searched for possible substitutes, visiting local repertory companies and seaside shows. At Torquay, he found Leslie Crowther appearing in the Fol-de-Rols company and was struck by his elfin energy, which Downes thought would appeal to children.
It was Crowther's first lucrative brush with television and he soon made the programme just as much his own as had Andrews. Downes became the trusted friend of both Andrews and Crowther, and was also popular when he went to Australia to help launch Crackerjack there for the Australian Broadcasting Company.

Downes was born in Great Easton, Leicester, and went to King's School, Grantham. His training as a surveyor was interrupted by the outbreak of the second world war. He went into the RAF, and as a flight-lieutenant navigator flew Mosquito fighters, a highly dangerous duty. He and his pilot Dennis Furse were the team that survived the largest number of sorties; both were awarded the DFC.

By the time of his demobilisation, surveying as a career seemed mundane, and he turned to acting. He got a few roles in London, and by chance met the then London king of the musicals, Ivor Novello, in the Strand. Novello was about to star in his own production, King's Rhapsody, and suggested that Downes might join the show as stage manager. While in this job, Downes met singer Barbara Whiting; they married in 1951.

Downes continued in stage management, then became a circus producer and ringmaster. In 1953, in search of greater career security, he joined the BBC as a floor manager but soon became a producer.

Apart from Crackerjack, Downes produced such BBC shows as Peter's Troubles (1953), Peter Cavanagh (1955), Ignorants Abroad (1958), Leave It To Pastry (1960), The Valiant Varneys (1964), Jennings (1966), Oh Brother! (1968) and Michael Bentine Time (1972).

The series he produced included Playbox and Studio E (both 1955), The Lenny The Lion Show (1957), and a cult show for adults, Call My Bluff, from 1965.

He came out of retirement in 2001 to produce and direct Boom Boom! The Best Of The Original Basil Brush Show.

Downes remained welcoming and witty and was a well-known master of entertaining anecdote in his home village near Newton Abbot, Devon. His wife (who thought her husband always regarded himself as "ordinary") survives him.

· John ("Johnny") Downes, television producer, born June 26 1920; died December 28 2004

Dennis Barker
Monday January 24, 2005
The Guardian

LETTER TO ALCOHOL

Dear Alcohol:

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours.
My friend, you always seem to be there when needed The perfect
post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around
in the holiday's hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when
we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings.

However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions.
While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart,
I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls:
While I agree with you that communication is important, I question
the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes
place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-loves when
I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the
day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating:
Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat
a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some
stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after
a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but
I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness:
Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to
improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing
me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue
marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me.
Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the
front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore:
The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know
a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in
order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My
entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken
(water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/
passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the
hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily
activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would
like to ensure that we remain on good terms.

You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much
laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to
do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this
friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above &
address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than
Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions &
hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,

Your biggest fan

P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

A NEW TWIST ON AN OLD FAVOURITE

The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to
take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or
changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's
winners.

Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little
sign of breaking down in the near future.

Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.

Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period.

Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
person who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's
like, a serious bummer.

Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming
only things that are good for you.

Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.

Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider web.

Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the
fruit you're eating. And the pick of the literature:

Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

SERB CONMAN'S AUSSIE BRUCE TRICK

A Serbian conman has discovered not everyone called Bruce is Australian.

Goran Markovic had successfully passed himself off as Hollywood actor Bruce Willis until he was caught using a fake Australian passport and accent instead of an American one.

Willis lookalike Markovic, 46, used several forged papers in his cons but made his critical mistake when he linked the name Bruce with Australia's invasion of Hollywood.

"I thought he was Australian, all the rest in Hollywood seem to be from there," he told police.

Markovic used his resemblance to Willis to get into exclusive clubs and events, claiming he was on holiday in the region.

He even started stealing cars and used the resemblance to Willis to get police to not look too closely at the paperwork.

But he was caught after getting underworld contacts to forge him an Australian passport and tried to use it to get out of trouble when he was pulled over by police at a routine roadside check in the southern Serbian town of Pirot.

When asked for his ID Markovic, who was wearing dark sunglasses and a cap, told them he was Bruce Willis and handed over the Australian passport which even had a picture of the real star.

But police immediately arrested him when they saw the passport was Australian.

A further check revealed the car he was driving was stolen and an ensuing investigation linked him to other car thefts.

"When we pointed out the mistake he had to admit he wasn't the real thing," a police spokesman said.

"He said he thought that Willis, like Russell Crowe, Mel Gibson and Nicole Kidman, was Australian.

"He did look like him, but it was the Australian accent that gave it away."

THIEF LEARNS LESSON IN DO'S AND DOUGHNUTS

Thief learns lesson in do's and doughnuts
Customers come to the defense of a downtown Portland snack shop's oversized "sacred" symbol
Thursday, January 20, 2005

JOSEPH ROSE

Fryer Jay heard the crash in the Voodoo Doughnut kitchen and turned away from a Monday-night rush of college kids.

Fryer Kevin, who'd slipped on some spilled flour, struggled to his feet, steadying himself on a cart of Maple Blazer Blunts. Then glass shattered in the jammed waiting area, and Jay turned back to the crowd of customers. He remembers wondering if someone had broken one of the candleholders, each inscribed with a portrait of Jesus, that burned under the huge "sacred doughnut" hanging on the wall.

The doughnut, a plastic-foam number nearly 5 feet across, has special meaning for the shop's late-night brotherhood. "We're pretty superstitious about that doughnut," says Fryer Jay.

Over the heads of customers calling out orders for buckets of Dirty Snowballs and Coffee-a-Go-Gos, Jay noticed the foam doughnut moving toward the door. "Hey!" he shouted. "Put the giant doughnut down. Nobody touches the doughnut, man!"

Established in May 2003, Voodoo Doughnuts, by design, operates on downtown Portland's fringe. Open 10 p.m. to 10 a.m. nightly on the west end of the Burnside Bridge, the doughnut shop also bills itself as a wedding chapel.

The first menu featured a Nyquil-glazed doughnut filled with Pepto-Bismol and topped with crumbled cherry Tums. County health officials ordered an end to that delicacy. The doughnut chefs, who fondly refer to one another as "fryer," turned to other concoctions, doughnuts with names such as "Grape Ape," "Vegan" and "Dirt."

Surprisingly, given its location and hours, Voodoo Doughnut is usually a mellow place. And, as the clock ticked toward midnight Monday, a contented crowd packed the space below the giant doughnut.

Fryer Jay's Swahili lessons, which he teaches right there in the Voodoo Doughnut lobby, had just ended. "Sometimes a Great Notion" played on a television in a small loft near the big doughnut. Classic rock blared from a kitchen radio.

"The deliveryman was coming through the back door," says Jay, whose full name is Jay Rubin. "We were training a new fryer in the kitchen. We had a shop full of customers. It was a flurry of activity."

About 11:30 p.m., four men neatly dressed in khakis and fleece jackets walked in from Southwest Third Avenue. One pushed his way through the crowd and loudly demanded to know about every doughnut on the menu. While he drew attention, another man inched toward the wall doughnut.

When Jay turned to investigate the fall involving Fryer Kevin -- Kevin Escobar -- in the kitchen, the thief made a not-so-smooth move for the big doughnut. It bumped a picture on the wall, which smashed the Jesus candleholder.

The thief ignored Jay's demand that he drop the doughnut. The man was halfway through the door when some customers hooked their arms through the doughnut hole and pulled. The thief tugged from the sidewalk outside. The customers wouldn't relent. One threw a cup of chocolate milk in the thief's face. Chunks of doughnut foam broke away and fell to the ground.

Eventually, the thief released the giant doughnut and ran.

Fryer Jay and a mob of customers sprinted after the thief, chasing him through a maze of Old Portland streets. The thief made a circular journey back to the doughnut shop and tried to blend into a crowd outside.

"There's the guy," Fryer Jay shouted breathlessly as he approached the shop.

Five police cars rolled up. By that time the thief was inside, police say, reaching across the counter, trying to strangle Fryer Jay. Three officers pried him off, and he reportedly took a swing at one officer before being subdued with a blast of pepper spray.

Fryer Jay found Voodoo Doughnut's owner, Tres Shannon, singing Joan Jett's "I Love Rock 'n' Roll" at Dante's, a nightclub hosting a "Karaoke From Hell" night across the street. Learning of the melee, Shannon dropped the microphone and bolted outside, where police were escorting a handcuffed suspect out of Voodoo. Shannon exploded with anger.

"We will press charges to the fullest extent," he yelled as an officer reached out, urging him to calm down. You don't, he added, mess "with Voodoo's giant doughnut."

Fryer Jay announced that Voodoo Doughnuts would reopen at midnight after the pepper gas cleared out. Shannon gave the customer who first jumped to the giant doughnut's rescue a coupon for a dozen free doughnuts. And, down at Central Precinct, police cited 25-year-old Nathan Neiderbach on charges of second-degree theft and malicious mischief.

"The police behaved themselves," Shannon says. "They wouldn't accept any free doughnuts."

ARTS FAN LEAVES $1 MILLION FOR A SEATTLE FOUNTAIN — WITH NUDE MALE

An art lover left his hometown about $1 million to buy a new fountain.

But not just any fountain.

The late Stu Smailes made clear the work must include the figure of at least one life-size naked man.

Smailes, a retired computer analyst for Safeco, died in 2002 at the age of 69. He was an only child, with no immediate family.

The fountain bequest represents Smailes' entire estate, except for a charitable trust of about $400,000 that has been distributed, said his attorney, Tim Bradbury.

According to court documents, the bequest is to be used exclusively for "designing, constructing and maintaining a fountain or fountains located within the city of Seattle. The fountain(s) shall include one or more unclothed, life-size male figure(s) designed in the classical style, i.e.: realistic," said Karen Bystrom at the City's Office of Arts and Cultural Affairs.

Bystrom said somebody in her office has suggested the naked-man fountain be part of the Seattle Art Museum's new Olympic Sculpture Park, now a work in progress at the north end of the downtown waterfront.

The agreement is still being negotiated. "The city is going to assign our interest in the bequest to SAM," Bystrom said.

A museum spokesperson said there are no firm plans yet: "We have had conversations with the city and the Smailes estate on the possibility of a sculpture project. However, we have not entered into any agreements at this time and so it is premature for us to discuss any details."

Smailes was a great fan of the arts, especially musical theater, Bradbury said.

"He was a very funny man," Bradbury said, with a "very strong sense of humor."

•__

Information from: The Seattle Times, http://www.seattletimes.com

TREFFOREST GUMP

Now that Catherine Zeta-Jones-Douglas has become firmly established in
Hollywood, the Welsh film industry is to receive additional funding to step
up production. They are going to remake many well known films, but this time
with a Welsh flavour. The following titles are planned for release next
year...

* 9½ Leeks

* Trefforest Gump

* Cwmando

* The Lost Boyos

* An American Werewolf in Powys

* Huw Dares Gwyneth

* Dai Hard

* The Wizard of Oswestry

* Cool Hand Look-you

* Sheepless in Seattle

* The Eagle has Llandudno

* The Magnificent Severn

* Haverfordwest Was Won

* Austin Powys

* The Magic Rhonddabout

* Independence Dai

* The Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch That Time
Forgot

* Seven Brides from Seven Sisters

* Welsh Connection

* Welsh Connection II

* The Bridge on the River Wye

* Lawrence of Llandybie

* A Beautiful Mind-you

* The Welsh Patient

* The King and Mair

* The Sheepshag Redemption

* Breakfast at Taffynys

* Look You Back in Bangor

* Evans Can Wait

* A Fishguard Called Rhondda

* Where Eagles Aberdare

* Dial M For Merthyr

Please contact the Welsh Assembly for actual dates of release and for
literal translations where needed.

MAN TRIALS COLOSTOMY BAG POWERED MOPED

TOOWOOMBA - Bowel cancer victim George Bryant said yesterday he has created an alternative fuel source for his moped using the gases from his colostomy bag.

"It screams," Mr Bryant told The Australian Times.

Mr Bryant said he first thought of the idea when he was in rehabilitation and was in a ward full of people recovering from the same surgery.

"The smell was quite horrific and rancid. I was concerned that if someone struck a match we would all go up," Mr Bryant said.

The rehabilitation period in hospital lasted four weeks and Mr Bryant noticed the different smells that emanated from the changes in diets.

"I also noticed that some foods went faster through the system and made the bags swell more than others. Red meat was the one that came to mind first," he said.

Mr Bryant said he also was plagued by the problem of getting back to work after the surgery and was considering buying a motorcycle because he would not have the energy to use his bicycle.

"Lucky I am a motor fitter," he said. "During the breaks at work I tried many different fuel sources but none worked. Then one of the guys I worked with suggested my bag was on the nose. Then I remembered the ward smell."

Mr Bryant said he only needed to adjust the needle and seat on his fuel system to a smaller jet and retarded the timing and the motor ran after only four attempts.

" I used a small weed-eater motor and started to trial the bike on weekends," he said. "One time I ran low on gas and had to rush into a fast food shop for some kabana to get the juices flowing again."

Since that occasion Mr Bryant said he carried a container of small goods with him in case the bag started to run low.

"I keep a good selection of beef jerky, salami, and kabana on hand when I am in heavy traffic," he said.

SCAM ALERT

We salute a great PR stunt
4-Year-Old's 'Snappy' Hit Is No. 1 In GermanyThe hottest thing in German music right now is a 4-year-old girl's made-up song about a crocodile.

Joy Gruttman's song, "Snappy the Little Crocodile" ("Schnappi, das kleine Krokodil"), is the No. 1 song on the German charts. Her family posted the song on a Web site as a joke, but a radio station in Cologne, Germany, got hold of it and made it a hit.

Gruttman is the youngest recording artist to make it to the German Top 10, let alone No. 1.

"Snappy" beat out songs by Kylie Minogue and Linkin Park. The song is even appearing as remixes in German dance clubs.

Listen: "Schappi, das kleine Krokodil"

WHAT HAPPENS TO LOST AIRLINE LUGGAGE

Lost-bag outlet is where it's at.
The answer to one of life's lesser mysteries lies nestled among the rolling foothills of northeastern Alabama.
by Theodore Kim theodore.kim@indystar.com

Inside an outlet store -- the Unclaimed Baggage Center -- nearly the size of a football field sits an odd blend of merchandise, all disgorged from bags that have lost their owners. Two-dollar shorts. Baby strollers. Pillows. Jewelry worth thousands.

This is the final destination for most hopelessly lost airline luggage.

This obscure store in Scottsboro, Ala., and its uncommon mission are gaining new attention in the wake of one of the nation's worst airline baggage snarls in recent memory.

US Airways lost track of more than 10,000 pieces of luggage and canceled hundreds of flights on Christmas Day because of what the company called an "operational meltdown" at its Philadelphia hub.

Many of the airline's operations were disrupted. At Indianapolis International Airport, at least 200 unclaimed bags were amassed on the terminal's first floor. Airline executives blamed the complications on worker absences, while union leaders pegged the difficulties to inadequate staffing in Philadelphia.

All but a handful of bags misplaced by US Airways over Christmas were returned to their owners before New Year's Day, said US Airways spokeswoman Amy Kudwa.

But the publicity fueled air travelers' fears. "All those television images of baggage piling up in the airport have a negative impact," said John K. Hawks, executive director of the nonprofit Consumer Travel Rights Center in Nashville, Tenn., and co-author of a book titled "Traveler's Rights: Your Legal Guide to Fair Treatment and Full Value."

The baggage situation was just one of a trio of major obstacles that confronted travelers over the holidays.

Delta subsidiary Comair canceled thousands of flights on and after Christmas because of a computer glitch. Meanwhile, the region's worst snowstorm in years also slowed air travel. More than 30 airplanes were diverted to Indianapolis in the days before Christmas because of backups and bad weather elsewhere, said airport director Patrick Dooley.

Although those who work at the Unclaimed Baggage Center are reluctant to admit it, the mix-ups that plagued US Airways and other airlines may be a boon to the outlet store, which adds about 7,000 items to its inventory each day, said Brenda Cantrell, the store's director of retail sales and marketing.

The store often receives a larger daily influx of items after the busy holiday travel season and attracts locals, distant travelers driven by curiosity or an itch to shop, and a few seeking lost items.

Some shoppers might blanch at the idea behind the operation: selling goods lost by others' misfortune. But Cantrell is quick to point out that most mishandled airline luggage eventually is matched with its owner.

In fact, the rate of mishandled-baggage reports has declined since 1990, according to the U.S. Department of Transportation. In 2003, one in every 240 airline passengers reported lost baggage to the major airlines, down sharply from one in every 150 passengers, federal statistics show.

However, the numbers add up. The major airlines reported about 2.2 million misplaced-baggage claims in 2003. The figure accounts for less than 1 percent of all luggage, but it keeps the outlet stocked.

The course by which baggage makes its way from the airport to Scottsboro is deliberate. Airlines take from 90 to 120 days to find the owners of unclaimed luggage, inspecting lost bags inside and out for contact information and cross-checking a description of the bags with a sophisticated airline database.

Should no owners emerge, the luggage often is sold to the Alabama outlet, which has contracts with most major airlines. Luggage owners who do not receive their bags are compensated up to $2,500 per bag, according to federal guidelines.

Terms of the store's contracts with the airlines vary and are confidential, though industry observers say the outlet purchases luggage by size and weight. The store reports that it discards about a third of what it receives, donates a third and sells a third at the outlet and through its Web site, www.unclaimedbaggage .com.

Items range from the commonplace (clothes, shoes, portable electronics), to the curious (a Barbie doll containing $500, a kayak), to the ultra-peculiar (a fighter jet guidance system that was returned to the government, a replica suit of armor, a 41-carat emerald that recently sold for about $15,000).

Occasionally, store sorters even come across contraband, such as illegal drugs, stashed away in clothes and other items. They alert authorities in such cases.

Since Alabama couple Doyle and Sue Owens founded the enterprise 35 years ago on a whim, the company has flourished as air travel has grown and by staking claim to an industry of its own.

Doyle Owens, an insurance salesman, launched the business by selling unclaimed luggage from Greyhound buses. He borrowed $300 and a pickup to buy and transport the first batch of bags, Cantrell said.

Over the years, the store has gained a following among savvy bargain hunters in the Deep South and beyond and developed into one of Alabama's top tourist attractions, said Cantrell.

The founders' son, Bryan Owens, took over the business in 1995.

"Some people think that this place is just folklore, so they drive here to see it," Cantrell said.

Nearly a million people visit the store every year, she said. The outlet even houses a concierge desk, a coffee shop and a playroom for children. The business also has forged into the cargo realm, purchasing and selling freight shipments that go awry.

"Ah, Scottsboro, Alabama," said Hawks, of the Consumer Travel Rights Center. "I've been there before. The airlines can only do so much to track things down. Then it nearly all goes to Scottsboro.

"They've got it all. From expensive gowns to underwear and everything in between."

REALITY SHOW BITES BACK

NBC's 'Fear Factor' Sued for Rat-Eating Episode
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Watching contestants eat dead rats on NBC's gross-out stunt show "Fear Factor" so disgusted a Cleveland man that he has sued NBC for $2.5 million, saying he could not stomach what he saw.
In a handwritten four-page lawsuit filed in federal court in Cleveland on Tuesday, paralegal Austin Aitken said, "To have the individuals on the show eat (yes) and drink dead rats was crazy, and from a viewer's point of view made me throw-up as well another in the house at the same time."

His suit added, "NBC is sending the wrong message to its TV watchers that cash can make or have people do just about anything beyond reasoning (sic) and in most cases against their will."

He said the show caused his blood pressure to rise so high that he became dizzy and light-headed, and when he ran away to his room, he bumped his head into the doorway.

In a brief telephone interview with Reuters, Aitken said, "I am not at liberty to discuss the complaint unless it is a paid-interview situation."

A spokesman for "Fear Factor" said the show would have no comment until it sees a copy of the complaint. The spokesman said the program did feature an rat-eating scene in New York's Times Square on Nov. 8.

Over the years, contestants on the program have eaten some weird things, including ground-up spiders and live worms.

Reuters/VNU

WHO IS BEHIND THIS PUBLICITY STUNT

Great-Grandmom Denies Pregnancy Claim
Woman's Story Generated Enormous Amount of Media Coverage
SYLVESTER, Ga. -- A 59-year-old great-grandmother who claimed in an Associated Press story last year that she was pregnant with twins admitted Tuesday that she is not.

Frances Harris' claim gained widespread attention after the rural Sylvester, Ga., woman and her family told her story the same week that a 56-year-old woman gave birth to twins in New York.

"To the surprise of even her family, it was recently discovered that Harris is not pregnant with twins," Harris said in a statement distributed Tuesday by her 39-year-old son, Fred Jackson.

"Due to some personal issues that are still being evaluated, Mrs. Harris believed that she was pregnant with twins and was able to convince her family and friends that she was expecting as well."

It was unclear from the statement whether Harris was pregnant at all. When asked, her son said, "I don't know."

Harris did not answer the door or phone at her rural home Tuesday. She has not responded to questions from the AP for weeks.

"The family of Mrs. Frances Harris regrets that this situation has occurred and apologizes for any inconvenience that may have caused," said the statement, signed by Mrs. Harris and Jackson. "At this time, the family wishes to put this situation behind them and will not be making any more statements."

Harris' youngest daughter, Kendal Byrd, originally called the AP office in New York in November after Aleta St. James gave birth to twins by in-vitro fertilization three days before her 57th birthday. In an interview Nov. 11 at her home, Harris said she did not know she was pregnant until she visited a doctor in August because of unusual weight gain over the summer.

Harris originally claimed to be carrying twins due Dec. 21. As Christmas approached and the date passed, Byrd said doctors had given her mother a new due date of Dec. 28. She had described her mother as grouchy, tired and "in pain, having some small contractions."

A mother of five, grandmother of 14 and great-grandmother of six, Harris said in November that she had not been trying to get pregnant and even had her tubes tied 33 years earlier. She claimed her ex-husband had fathered the twins and said the couple planned to remarry before the birth.

Byrd, 34, did not respond Tuesday to AP's attempts to reach her at her home or on the phone. In previous interviews, she said she had been taking her mother to medical appointments at the Affinity Health Group in Tifton, where officials declined to comment.

"We have no statements to make," Affinity spokeswoman Venita Kennedy said.

RENAMING ROAD SNARES MAYOR IN LEGAL TUSSLE

From then Van Bough

STREET NOW HONORS STUMBO'S DAUGHTER

By Lee Mueller

PRESTONSBURG - When Paul Patton was governor, he named -- without incident -- nearly every bridge on U.S. 23 in Pike County for local businessmen, including coal operators, a car dealer, a radio station operator and a mini-storage building owner.

All Prestonsburg Mayor Jerry Fannin wanted to do, he said, was rename a state-maintained road leading to Kentucky Attorney General Greg Stumbo's home at the city's mountaintop golf course for Stumbo's 5-year-old daughter, and -- well, call in the lawyers.

The green $20 street sign, Kassidy Drive, was still standing last week, but it was not clear for how long.

A state Transportation Cabinet counsel was asked Thursday to determine whether the mayor has authority to assign street names to state-maintained roads within the city limits.

Fannin, 47, appears to have both a personal and political stake in the outcome.

If he wins, Kassidy Drive will replace the name Fannin originally gave the route when it opened in 2001 -- Maggie Mountain -- named after the mayor's ex-wife.

Earlier this year, state highway officials forced Fannin's city crew to remove another street sign on a separate state entrance to the golf course: a new 1.3-mile $5 million road from nearby Jenny Wiley State Resort Park.

The new street sign bore the name of his new wife, Charity, 20. Fannin appeared confident that he will be able to put it back.

Before he acted, Fannin says, he obtained written authorization from the Legislative Research Commission's transportation committee manager. "He said the state gives (the road) a route number, but the city is free to name it," Fannin said.

Transportation Cabinet spokesman Michael Goins said a solution does not appear to be that clear.

"Our interpretation is that there's only one or two ways you can name or rename a state road," Goins said. "Through a formal request to the state Transportation Cabinet secretary or by legislative action."

Fannin, however, remained optimistic, claiming he ordered city crews to put up the Kassidy Drive sign on Christmas Eve as a kind of gift for Stumbo, who he said "did all the work" in obtaining funding for the $24 million StoneCrest Golf Course.

Fannin said he has not asked for a city council vote on his street-naming decisions. "It was the same process I used last time when I named it Maggie Mountain, so if it was wrong this time, it was wrong that time," he said.

Fannin, by the way, lives on Mikeal Ranch Road. He happens to have a 20-year-old son named Mikeal.

Jerry Fannin said he told Stumbo of his plans about two months ago and that the attorney general appeared "tickled to death" about the idea.

Deputy Attorney General Pierce Whites stressed that Stumbo did not ask anyone to rename the road.

Whites conceded, however, that Stumbo's daughter, Kassidy Renee Stumbo, was thrilled when she saw the sign.

"Obviously, on a personal level, it's nice that his daughter liked it," Whites said. "But he hoped all appropriate actions were taken to coordinate any changes with the Transportation Cabinet. This was certainly not anything Greg had any part in, and we hope they get it worked out."