November 2007

VERITY LAMBERT R.I.P.

I learn from a Guardian obituary http://www.guardian.co.uk/obituaries/story/0,,2216886,00.html that Verity Lambert has shuffled off to the grand TV studio in the sky.

Many years ago, I developed a situation comedy with a dear friend and journalist Peter Freedman.

Peter did most of the hard work and penned a pilot script entitled “Hype”

It was a factual account of my crazy life at the time as a theatre publicist at the Theatre Royal Stratford East. All the crazy stunts I staged were true and I thought the pilot was a work of genius. Peter and I took the developed script to the uber TV frau Verity who was then at Thames. She politely passed on it – commenting that clearly all the events in the pilot were so unbelievable and couldn’t possibly have taken place. I tried my hardest to persuade her that the stunts did indeed take place but I never heard from her again!

Both Peter and I gave up the ghost of trying to make Hype work after the encounter.

NO GOSSIP, NO CRY.

I heard today on the radio about a PR company in Chicago, Empower Public Relations, which has made office gossip a sackable offence. When Sam Chapman started his small company, Empower, it was partly because he left a company where vicious backbiting was an epidemic. He felt it damaged careers and morale. I whole heartedly applaud them as they have lit a beacon in the far too self important PR world and should cut out this cancer that’s totally demoralizing. I know gossip exists in other business sectors, but without a shadow of a doubt, PR does seem to harbour more of these negative traits. I won’t tolerate it in my business and I wish English employment laws would allow me to walk someone out of the door if I detected any of this behaviour. If I hear anyone being negative or revelling in another company’s downfall, I’m quick to denounce them. This industry needs to promote its best points rather than the clichés that define it to the outside world.

VIVA HEATHER MILLS

I don’t mean to bash HM but reading this mornings tabloids it’s difficult not to comment on her latest PR action. I was shocked to see Heather Mills McCartney across the media today in the guise of ambassador for Viva – (Vegetarians International Voice for Animals). When a celebrity is so high profile and under fire like Heather M.M is, what possessed her to do a raising awareness stunt so soon after her television outburst? I know small charities struggle to get attention and embrace celeb endorsement but on this occasion it has backfired. I am sure HM is a committed supporter of VIVA but the timing of the stunt was not thought through. What possible value could the charity gain out of this? The media made very little comment about Viva’s charitable issues, instead criticized Heather’s hypocrisy - firstly concerning the poster campaign “you haven’t got a leg to stand on” when Heather had a few weeks earlier complained that the media made jibes about her condition, and secondly, her comments about meat and dairy livestock producing more greenhouse gases than the world’s transport system, after she’d been chauffeured 100 yards in a petrol guzzling 4x4 Mercedes. The amount of column inches is impressive but I didn’t understand the issues. It was a negative counteraction that deflected from the key issues. I spent more time trying to find out what Google said about VIVA‘s charity position. Oh maybe that was the point of the exercise, a covert plan to crucify HM for the greater good of the charity brand.

"IT PAYS TO WATCH"

An old friend of mine in New Zealand sent me some information on a classic piece of guerrilla marketing that is causing a kerfuffle in the Southern Hemisphere. To coincide with the launch of Mintshot.co.nz, an entertainment website which rewards people for watching ads online, it appeared that Rangitoto, an extinct volcano, was actually erupting before thousands of people’s eyes. However on closer inspection it was revealed that this was part of a guerrilla marketing campaign led by Mintshot director Marc Ellis. The Mintshot tagline is “It pays to watch” and in the early hours of the morning of the launch, Ellis and his fellow directors ascended Rangitoto and using smoke flares simulated an eruption. Later that day, tens of thousands of people had registered on the Mintshot website. But the stunt was slammed by the New Zealand Department of Conservation who believed it to be harmful to the islands native wildlife, calling it “demoralising and disappointing”. The NZDOC are now seeking legal advice on whether they can take Ellis to court. The authorities were up in arms that they had not had any warning of the impending stunt because people really believed the volcano was erupting, sparking panic amongst thousands of people. But this is exactly the kind of stunt needed to produce grand scale publicity.

There is so much guff talked about guerrilla marketing, but for it to succeed there needs to be a huge sense of risk. There is an old Polish proverb my Father used to use which I think might be apt here: “A good painter need not give a name to his picture, a bad one must.” Clients often want to indulge in this type of marketing but rarely have the balls to take on the turmoil that this discipline requires. The greatest stunts and marketing are akin to a high wire or circus trapeze without a safety net. Clearly Marc Ellis, unknown to most of us in Europe, has all the makings of a fearless stuntster.

Ellis is well known for his risqué behaviour which has seen him appearing on a Sky TV show called Sports Café where he used the phrase “sweating like a rapist” which was subsequently denounced by organisations including rape crisis. Ellis promoted streaking at televised sports fixtures to promote his “nude day” event and offered to reimburse any streaker that was fined, resulting in the police labelling him irresponsible and childish, but no formal charges were laid. Ellis appeared on the same show months later, so intoxicated he could barely speak, but some members of the media believed he was faking it to boost the show’s flagging ratings.

If a brand is going to make its mark in this very competitive and noisy marketing territory, it needs to follow this example in order to generate worldwide attention and maximum publicity.

I USED TO BE A PUBLICIST, GET ME OUT OF HERE

Another year, another bout of IACGMOH, addictive mind candy satisfying our latent lust for the guilty pleasures of a reality TV series. Please drop the faux intellectual bollocks that it's corrosive, we all take a sadistic pleasure in watching it! Before I judge Lynne Franks' first few days in the comfort of the Australian bush, I must declare an interest. I am proud to declare that I am a friend of Lynne Franks and have watched her trial with enthusiastic sympathy.

The production team called a few days before the first show was aired to ask me to film a noddy about Lynne. On camera I deliberated that Lynne's decision to go in was inspired - very Lynne. It is patently obvious that she was conscious of her old pal Janet Street Porter's success and I am convinced she wants to do better. Lynne has a very competitive streak. Every contestant bleats on that they indulge in the show to establish the real person and not the person that the media chooses to present. LF is so far removed from the Edina cliché cruelly immortalized by Jennifer Saunders in Absolutely Fabulous. She will surprise the masses because she is a bright, clever, ruthless, compassionate, spiritual and generous human. I pray the editors allow her to shine. I know she doesn’t take orders and likes to lead from the front but she is undoubtbly manipulating the show. She has entered for one reason - her current passion - The Seed network would mature with the oxygen of publicity. LF's profile is likely to go through the roof if she triumphs. She will be thanking the universe for putting her in the camp with Janice Dickenson. Lynne looks so beautiful compared to the botoxed freak that has less expression in her face than the death mask of Tutankhamen. The battle of wills has made great TV and Lynne has knowingly manipulated it to keep the cameras on her. Lynne is a great PR and grasps the value of content that triggers media attention. Demonstrating tenacity and self belief, she assuredly deals with Dickenson's tantrums and odd emotional failings as if she is a truculent overbearing client. The extent of her preparation for the show was underlined when The Apprentice woman, Katie Hopkins, walked into camp. In a few sound bites she encapsulated the incomer with a vivid SWOT analysis. Yes, Lynne has acquitted herself marvelously. I hope her genuine spirituality will make people vote for her, surely her chants will be answered by the cosmos. Expect to see more of Lynne on the box over the next few years.

VIRULENT H5N1 - THE PR SPIN

The bad news is that the type of bird flu found in turkeys on a Suffolk farm is the virulent H5N1. The government has stepped in to calm the media. Sorry to be the harbinger of doom but I detect the hand of a shadowy PR spin doctor with a damage limitation plan. Take note, careful news management is clearly in action today in an attempt to halt growing public panic.

Below is a collection of tight sound bites and my response to the flak. I suspect there is more to this story. My nails have been gnawed off after reading the wire reports and the sinister overtones. Not a good day for pessimistic hypochondriacs.

“Environment Secretary Hilary Benn said that there might be further undisclosed cases of the disease in the area.”

- Yes, there are more infected farms that we know about but not willing to disclose just yet

Mr. Benn told the House of Commons: “I’m not going to speculate as to whether this outbreak is going to get larger.

- it is going to get bigger and bigger and bigger…

“What we’re doing is working our darndest to make sure that it stays where it is.

- God knows how we are going to stop it - but we have a cunning plan- gas and slaughter more turkeys!

“The most important thing, having locked it down, is to trace the contacts and movements so we can take appropriate action.”

- We are keeping our fingers crossed but there isn’t much we can do.

A national and a local disease control centre have been established in Bury St Edmunds, with text messages sent to all bird keepers nationwide - especially those in zones on the poultry register.

- This old bollocks usually makes them feel a little calmer

Mr Benn said that movements within the restricted zones can take place, but not out of it. General licences for low risk movements out of the zone are expected to be available “shortly”.

-When in trouble ladle on governmental rhetoric

Mr. Landeg has urged people with poultry to be vigilant for bird flu

- FOR GODS SAKE DON’T PANIC

All birds at the affected premises - including approximately 5,000 turkeys, 1,000 ducks and 500 geese - will be slaughtered.

- If all fails drop off a few zeros - downplay downplay

Police officers are at the entrance to the farm, and vehicles are being sprayed with a jet hose.

-We created some great photo opportunities for Sky and the BBC

The Department for Environment Food and Rural Affairs (Defra) said some 10% of birds in one shed at the farm had died during one night.

-yes it is bad…

It also said the farm was seasonal and prepared birds for Christmas. “As such, no birds from the farm have been slaughtered for food or sent to customers,” the statement added.

-Let’s hope we can make it to the holiday period

The top priority is to get controls in place, to inform people of the controls in place

-This is the tip of the iceberg we have to tell you something - please keep calm

Acting Chief Veterinary Officer Fred Landeg said there was “still some uncertainty” over the situation. “We are at a very early stage of the investigation,” he said.

-The will be a lot worse to come Echinacea will not help

“The initial sequence data suggests that it’s closely related to outbreaks in the Czech Republic and Germany, which does suggest a possible wild bird source.

- Lets blame it on Eastern Europe - the Daily Mail will focus on the migrant workers that should buys time

“However, at this stage we are looking with an open mind as to the origin and all potential sources of the origin will be investigated.”

-We really have got our fingers crossed, this evening we will sit down and create a batch of fairy tales to push out in an attempt to throw the press of the scent

Mr. Landeg also said there was a lake at the affected site with a number of wild fowl on it and that “no two outbreaks of the disease are ever the same”.

Confuse them with a scientific hypothesis - it just might buy some time

“This will not be a quick exercise. This is a particularly challenging site and our priority is to adhere to strict bio-security and the health and safety of staff on site is paramount.”

- Precursor to some more bad news tomorrow

Earlier, Mr. Landeg had said the risk of bird flu spreading was increased during the autumn months because of wild bird migration.

-Shorthand for - “it will get a lot worse before it gets better”. We are still hunting for a phrase that is more palatable than “the biggest threat to public health since the Great Plague”.

The affected birds were free-range - meaning they had access to the outdoors and may have been of greater risk of catching the disease.

- Please don’t put two and two together

There was a H5N1 outbreak at a turkey farm, also in Suffolk, in February.

- Look the deadly virus has been stopped before - but not on a farm with free range fowl. We are all praying the stockpiles of vaccines work

I'M A HAS BEEN, GET ME ON HERE

The last 48 hours have been very odd for me, not only because I have the flu, but I’ve been taking calls from Malcolm McLaren from Brisbane, the location for yet another series of “I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here”. He’s not a client of mine but a friend asking for advice. Clearly no one on I’m A Celebrity… is offered so much money for nothing – ITV needed Malcolm, and looking at the list of “celebrities” actually participating, you can see why. Such an intelligent man as Malcolm is perfectly able to see through this type of show. The fact that ITV still tried to make him take part after he’d voiced his concerns seems ridiculous. The bottom line is that Malcolm had never signed any contract to appear on the show, but ITV were happy to send him to Brisbane, put him up in a five star hotel and have the arrogance to assume they could persuade him at the last minute to appear. ITV and the show’s producers are now dealing with the PR backlash in the tabloids after Malcolm articulated their plot. The counter spin followed claiming that Malcolm was simply a coward and was too afraid to take part once he realised he’d have to take part in bushtucker trials. Of course all the tabloid media are on one massive jolly over in Australia, so they are between a rock and hard place; they don’t want to burst the “I’m A Celebrity…” bubble. They need the content that this show provides and will continue to provide for the next few weeks. What I think is foolish is that ITV began promoting someone for the show when that person hadn’t actually signed a contract to appear. Malcolm’s final decision not to take part was totally his prerogative. But ITV has behaved like a spiteful child and tried to blacken his character to punish him for not participating in what Malcolm felt was more like a rigged film set than the Australian outback. ITV needs this season of IACGMOH to work on every level. The integrity of the format and salvation of careers rests on this series. Above all, honesty must shine through, but talking to Malcolm about what he has endured convinces me that the production team is a massive herd of pachyderms that are hell bent on powering through the jungle mists, come what may.

BLOGGERS DELIGHT

Simon Wakeman noticed that my burblings have been noted about Heather Mills McCartney.

Mark Borkowski on role of a publicist:
If you want a really interesting insight into this, it's worth checking out this post on publicist Mark Borkowski's blog. Mark talks in depth about the Heather Mills GMTV meltdown and the role of a publicist when dealing with a client ...

http://www.simonwakeman.com/2007/11/05/mark-borkowski-on-role-of-a-publicist/

And on Hoi Polloi, I managed to get on quote of the week.

Mark Borkowski, commenting on Chris Adderson's move to publish the names of "lazy" PR flacks who spam him irrelevant pitches. "He has a star quality ... He can say 'me and my colleagues actually invented the Internet and here's how it ...

http://hoipolloi.wordpress.com/2007/11/03/quotes-of-the-week-ending-110307/

BRUISED EGOS

Over the last three days a baleen of PR bloggers have added their voices to the debate kicked off by the Wired Editor, Chris Anderson. His tirade against lazy PRs is reported in The New York Times which ran an article thick with PR's coughing up sound bites

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/05/technology/05flacks.html?_r=2&ref=business&oref=slogin&oref=slogin

I fear a few egos have been bruised. I stand by my pervious rant.

http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/organgrinder/2007/10/wired_magazine_editor_chris_an.html

Let's kick out the crap and perhaps we can start celebrating our authentic operators in the field.

HEATHER MILLS MCCARTNEY'S HALLOWEEN PR ONSLAUGHT

Heather Mills McCartney’s Halloween PR onslaught

Forensically picking through the PR damage that is left after Heather Mills McCartney’s Halloween PR onslaught, I can only conclude that it was an emotionally crude crusade of her own design. The harm inflicted on her tattered brand after sweeping across media Ville was nothing short of catasphrophic. The screaming banshee is now a textbook example for any wannabe celebrity wrangler who can learn so much from the beleaguered star’s mistakes.

It’s a fact that those who seek fame soon become addicted to its seemingly endless powers to generate admiration, adoration, approval and awe, but this addiction mutates into an uber ego. The role of a publicist is to protect the client from itself. Undoubtedly driven by frustration and manacled by the legal process of her divorce battle, she has had to take the brutal knocks whilst her estranged rock star superstar hubby has not been subject to the same tabloid media vitriol. She has looked on with a sense of incredulity as her self-created fame has metamorphosed. Now she pathetically clutches a file of cuttings that reveal that she is a hollowed out husk. In her own mind, she is humiliated, wrathful, discriminated against, deprived, neglected, and treated unjustly and so on. Her reaction is to hit out. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Negativity breeds negativity. She is in desperate need of a highly effective and respected mercenary to manipulate a strategic charm offensive. Outbursts don’t turn events nor obtain positive attention. It was a car wreck - sound bites spat out through choking tears, comparisons to Diana and the McCann’s, hate plots and thoughts of suicide… the tell tale call of celebrity martyr complex. All it achieved was manna for the following day’s papers and empowered them to continue to gnaw away at her fragile self-esteem.

A good publicist knows that in times of crisis it’s suicide to be at the heart of the debate. Rule one, when the going gets tough go deep, pop up for highly crafted moments and never allow your charge to become the centre of attention or even a figure of controversy. Instead, Heather Mill's McCartney, the peace activist and model who survived a horrific accident and captured the heart of a Beatle, has become the new textbook example for students of publicity.

The foolish exercise was completely out-of-touch; a wholly wild endeavour that seemed to be a bid to reassure herself that she is not losing the battle. Does she believe that she has the magic touch to turn the tide and make her public engage in her pain? Alas, a grandiose but foolish defense mechanism driven by hubris. A celebrity or even a consumer brand needs flawless integrity. If there are any anomalies or imperfections, they will be accentuated. There are discrepancies between her own narrative and the perceived facts. There is so much on the record that it will be a colossal mission to turn it around. Her celebrity character is one of being famous for being famous, so she is stuck in an endless and self-perpetuating food chain. For her to rebuild this she has to end the modern-day equivalent of the medieval morality play. Her journey from rags to riches and from fame to wretchedness should be a starting point for a new story. It seems crazy to write this but it’s not impossible to turn it around. A deft and clever creative campaign playing to her strengths still might outwit the cynics.

However, to start again she must grasp that the public and the media have a sadistic pleasure and a morbid fascination in vicarious suffering. The media understand that it’s a circulation and audience winner and that’s how they feed the hungry mob. The editor "represents" the "bloodthirsty" public. Belittling celebrities or watching their comeuppance is the modern equivalent of the gladiator coliseum. Gossip has always fulfilled this function and now the mass media broadcast live - the slaughtering of fallen gods is the order of the day. There is no question that she has reverted to type. As a publicist one of the key tasks is to show the celebrity "who's boss" for their own sake. Without respect there is so little the flak can do. I fear many might have tried to tell the Lady but failed and instead let a very powerful personality take her own lead.

It’s the duty of a publicist to use all its skills to persuade his or her client to understand what the public feed on. As far as their fans are concerned, celebrities fulfill two emotional functions: they provide a mythical narrative that the fan can follow and identify with. They function as empty screens onto which the fans project their dreams, hopes, values, and desires. The slightest deviation from these prescribed roles provokes enormous rage and makes us want to punish the deviant celebrities. This taste for watching a person being humiliated has something to do with the attraction to cataclysm and calamity. The higher the celebrity rises, the harder they fall.

She should have been told, no matter how hard, not to take seriously all the things her critics say about her. There are fantastic examples of women in her position who have been kicked in the most hurtful way - Yoko Ono, Victoria Beckham - women who have been held in such opprobrium for being the wrong woman to marry the right man. They have not attempted to lash out. Unfortunately, for Heather, Paul McCartney is like Cliff Richard, a national treasure to be installed in the pantheon of public regard. It’s not the media she is fighting but Paul’s “peppers ghost” haunting her and prowling the media with events driven by his talent. If she is to move on and win over the public, she must comprehend the fundamentals that the media is sadistic, ambitious, narcissistic, lacking empathy, self-righteous, pathologically and destructively envious. I suggest she reads The Cosmic Ordering Handbook, realizes that McCartney is greater global celebrity and stops listening to the voices inside her head and moves on -she has self-determination but she can’t rewrite history but can perhaps forge it.

BRITNEY.... A HIT?

Shock, horror, Britney Spears may have made a hit record. Her “Blackout” album has received International critical acclaim. Perhaps all the tears, tantrums and drug problems have been part of a smart publicity ploy to generate sympathy for Britney, prior to her album release. Already, the Catholic Church is up in arms about the religious themed photos in the booklet for her new album. One of the pictures features Spears wearing a cross and sitting on a priest’s lap in what looks like a confessional booth, while showing some fishnet stockinged leg which led to one religious leader calling the pictures a “bottom of the barrel” publicity ploy. But by far the most extraordinary story this week is Heather Mills McCartney’s interview on GMTV. Heather announced her fight back against the tabloids who have supposedly defamed her character and made her life a misery. Her tears indicated a determination to give as good as she gets but I don’t think she has any clue about the mountain she has to climb to right the supposed wrongs. Her estranged husband is a national treasure and rock royalty. It’s going to take someone pretty amazing to shake those foundations.

IS WIRED'S CHRIS ANDERSON RIGHT TO OUT LAZY PR SPAMMERS?

Wired magazine editor Chris Anderson has decided to list every lazy PR person who spams his mailbox with irrelevant messages. He claims that "Lazy flacks send press releases to the editor in chief of Wired because they can't be bothered to find out who on my staff, if anyone, might actually be interested in what they're pitching... ".

He then goes on to list PR folk from Edelman to Weber Shandwick. I whole heartedly support this. It reminds me of the quote I have used before when Charles Clover delivered a great line to a publicist having read his press release: "Your press release has all the complexity of Kafka but none of the narrative flow." Sadly this highlights the lack of craftsmanship of many who pose as media relations experts.

http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/organgrinder/2007/10/wired_magazine_editor_chris_an.html#comments

I know how journalists have become more and more frustrated by the countless streams of press releases and missives sent from publicists who subscribe to the growing data systems that churn out lists, sometimes in a very sophisticated fashion.

Despite data protection, a media contact is stalked by these Orwellian spooks that offer up all you need to know including their shoe size. The unsuspecting journalists then find their inboxes drowned by inconsequential guff. I applaud Chris Anderson in his pursuit to block them. Whatever happened to relationship development?

The old term "flack" used by this correspondent aptly describes the operational skills of some of these rogues. The choking, over heated, gaseous hot air suffocates. There definitely appears to be a growing backlash against these spineless PR's from journalists who've simply had enough. To many PRs prefer to wing an email than pick up the phone and engage in banter. Why? Simply because the story that they choose to peddle has as much use as a one legged dog digging for a bone on a frozen lake.

For every good PR, there are probably ten or so inadequate operatives sullying the craft. There has always been an uneasy rapport between journalists and PRs. Trust has been chewed up and spat into the faces of both professions.

Perhaps outbursts like this will get both sides of the divide to focus on the problem. Most media organisations are under commercial pressure and the need to ruthlessly refresh has meant that there is a greater need for meaningful relationships.

In truth both sides abuse. Cheap labour in the media industry seems to have replaced well trained soldiers equipped for the daily battle. There are far too many back slapping awards in the industry that fail to reward true achievement. These gongs become a smoke screen and a new biz tool that adds momentum to the vicious circle

The web is a powerful tool but one which is being abused by the PR industry. This has resulted in a distancing in media relations between the PR and journalist. In a world where texts and emails abound, there is little time for connection or building back up those relationships. It's partly the fault of the media and partly the fault of PRs, but I fear this is only the tip of the iceberg.

PR bloggers got in a fluster a few months ago after the artist Tom Coates harangued faceless publicists who were spamming his site plasticbag.org. He created an image titled "This is not a brothel..." in response. He added seven paragraphs of commentary to the picture detailing his dislike for PR people sending him press releases and seeing his blog only as a marketing vehicle to be spammed by marketers who didn't understand the organic nature of what he does.

If PRs don't address poor practice, how can we be part of the revolution and create meaningful and exciting new ways to communicate in this ever changing digital age we trade in? I hope the Anderson poke has saved us from naïve and hapless behaviour. Perhaps more journalists should hold up these inept PRs who cut and run and have little sensibility or depth in terms of crafting the communications practice for the future good of us all.